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Odd but True Hospital Happenings

Blakk Frogg loves a good hospital emergency room story... as long as it didn't come from events in HIS own life! Check out these wild'n'crazy, yet totally true stories from emergency rooms around the country:

FEMALE SOFA: A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva. (got it confused for her vibrator maybe?)

PRICKLY PAIR... OUCH: In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..." which bit him during sex (a natural conclusion, no?). After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy. (call the lawyers! call the lawyers!)

PING PONG ANYONE: A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel (you'd do the same, I'm sure!). The concrete then hardened (no need for psychics on THAT one!), causing constipation and extreme pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong ball. (Both now on display at the Museum of Bad Ideas in a town near you.)

BLIND DRUNK: A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea. (give him another drink and see what other parts this guy tries to remove!)

OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH: A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. (carve it yourself steakhouses are fun!) The man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man (appetizer or main course?). While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go. (moral: any girl who gives bad head deserves a good, strong forking!)


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