Blakk Frogg Re-Writes The News
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Blakk Frogg Re-Writes The News Blakk Frogg Re-Writes The News
Blakk Frogg Re-Writes The News

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Get ready for news reporting -- froggy stlye!

Every once in a while when Blakk Frogg gets in an 'off' mood he scans the Internet for stupid news events that beg for his sarcastic interpretation. See below for recent news re-writes!


Gunplay 101: Introduction to Self-Inflicted Injuries

In a not so wild west shootout (with himself) a 23 year old Wichita, Kansas man shot himself in the left testicle after his gun went off as he put it back in the waistband of his pants.

Upon getting shot in the groin, he twitched in pain, the gun went off again, and he placed another well-aimed round in his calf.

Once the gunfire ceased and order returned to the land, the dumbass hobbled his newly injured ass down to the hospital where he and two friends (aged 18 and 20) received not the purple heart for heroism under fire, but rather some nice shiny silver bracelets from local police officers.

So... What prompted the man to have a gun out in the first place and why did the police reward these three with bracelets? Simple: Aggravated attempted kidnapping and conspiracy to obstruct justice. They had 'beef' with a teen over some stereo speakers.

final word from blakk frogg: Man with bad speakers, bad aim, and whole in testicles probably never get laid again... and blakk frogg eternally grateful for that.


Halloween Hijinks w/ Criminal Conclusions

Sometimes a protestor does something a little over the top and gets... arrested. Take, for example, a Democratic activist named Tom Connolly who faces a number of fun and exciting criminal charges after passing motorists spotted him atop a highway overpass dressed as Osama bin Laden (on Halloween)... with a (squirt) gun in his hand.

Good 'ole Tom now gets to hang out in a courtroom and answer to charges of terrorizing, reckless conduct, and criminal threatening. At a time when many in the United States feel 'threatened' by the World's Best Hide and Seek Player (Osama), pointing a (fake) gun at unarmed citizens in Portland, Maine unnerved a few folks and landed Tom's costumed ass in the slammer.

Tom's costume consisted of a white robe complete w/ Osama mask and a well-appointed fake arsenal which included a fake assault rifle, plastic dynamite sticks and, of course, some plastic grenades.

final word from blakk frogg: What better way to tie up a court's time, Tom, than by scaring the crap out of a population who has a long history of getting freaked out by things like... guns, bombs, terrorists, etc. Oh, and at 60 miles per hour, Tom, even if you had a sign that read 'ha ha! joke!' around your neck, passers by would have had seconds to focus on it and in all honesty, they probably would only see the gun and bombs, never read the sign, pull off immediately, get the hunting rifle out, and blow your idiotic head off.

Did you not think that people MAY get pre-occupied by the unexpected presence of a well-equipped troublemaker and think, "Holy shit! A terrorist! I see a gun!" and forget to stay in their lane? Then, as they frantically search for the 9, the 1, and then the 1 again, they fail to notice a stopped car ahead of them in their lane. SLAM -- Right into the back of a station wagon packed with kids on their way to a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese.

Consider yourself lucky no one got hurt by your little prank. We now live in a Scared Society and it would have taken just ONE really scared citizen to have taken a shot at you or lost control of their vehicle -- trying to get away from you.

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